Meet Stan

Age: 72

Favorite Drink: Lukewarm instant coffee.

Catchphrases: "Statistically speaking, this won’t end well."

Stan is the retired neighbor you didn’t ask for but can’t escape. Once an actuary, now a full-time neighborhood watchdog, Stan spends his days quoting insurance statistics and talking to squirrels. Always seen in his bucket hat and flower shirt, he’s a permanent fixture in the background of Ben’s chaos — usually offering unsolicited advice about lawn care, dog etiquette, or life’s impending disasters.